Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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