I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
