The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He did a backflip because drugs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
