fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
