oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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