On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How does one acquire holy water?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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