Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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