Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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