paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
