Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
