i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
