Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
