I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
