I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we made out on top of his cat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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