Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
