i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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