apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
