I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
