sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
