I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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