I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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