After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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