i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
