Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
