the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
