Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
