so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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