I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize