turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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