I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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