Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
