he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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