no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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