I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
