2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize