good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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