How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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