tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
