i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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