quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
