Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
