he told me I talked like a deaf person
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
