I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
