I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
