i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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