do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
