she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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