Im at strip club and am horny
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my sisters under your porch take her home
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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