So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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