Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
