my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
