Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
