I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
