I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
