and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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