Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
