Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
