New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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