ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
