Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
