Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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