Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's the barista slut.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
