Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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