Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
