she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
