Buhtt sex?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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