I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
