I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
