Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
