just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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