M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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