so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
