i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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