So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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