Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
