Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
