i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
please come you make the beer taste better
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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